Tiger Woods Y'all

Heading to Bermuda tomorrow for a work/golf trip. Presently watching Happy Gilmore to prepare. Hopefully I can keep the ball dry. Hopefully I can put the ball in its home before my 10th stroke. Hopefully I don't slice a drive into someone's face or chip a divot into a spectator's Rum Swizzle.

Hopefully I don't look like THIS GUY! Just plain turrible...

SpaHa Profile: Wash and Iron - The Laundromat Lady

She works ridiculous hours, sacrifices weekends for her job, cleans Spa-Ha dirty laundry, breathes in poisonous fumes, and yet, she seems happy. Every week, she greets us with a smile. Actually, I can't be positive that she's smiling. She wears a medical mask over her mouth. She could be grinding her teeth and cursing all of us under her breath.

She calls me the big guy. "Heyyy, it's the big guy!!" A phrase I've grown accustomed to since my time in Korea.

She even sewed a slight tear in my pants together...FO' FREE! I tried to slip her a 5 dollar bill. She kindly declined. "No, no. Merry Christmas." It was February 5th.

She's cute. She laughs at my jokes, runs to the front counter when I walk in and has to be the most beautiful girl...in the...room. Depending on the room of course.

Here's to the laundromat lady.

SpaHa Profile: AM-NY Guy, Yup, Yup, Yup

He's up earlier than most of us, yet, he has the energy of Richard Simmons after drinking six Red Bulls. His hands smell of ink. His legs are tired from standing. He spits. He smiles. He yells. He works through rain, snow, sunshine, atomic fallout. His job must be done. He's the AM-NY guy.

His office is just up the stairs from the 6 train. The place where rats feast on trash and sandwiches get crushed in subway doors. His mouth never stops moving and his attitude is refreshingly positive on these cold, weekday mornings.

"Yup, yup, yup. AM! Freebie! Here we go! Whoooop!"

His yelps reverberate throughout Spanish Harlem. Usually he just repeats the above phrases, but sometimes he mixes it up. Adds a little spice.

One morning as I was reaching for the paper he came up with a phrase that sent Alex and I cackling into the subway.

"Yup, Yup. Here we go! I like it when you grab and go! Whoooop!"

I like it when you grab and go? Imagine hearing someone say that at 7 in the morning. Someone you don't even know? Was that what I was doing? I was grabbing and going? Kind of dirty, no? Either way, it was a great line.

I began to wonder if he stayed up late at night brainstorming new phrases for the following morning. Does he practice these in front of the mirror?

Of course, there are those commuters that can't stand this burst of noise and positive energy at 7 am. One woman actually began yelling at AM during his performance.

"You can't be this loud this early! Why can't you just be like the Metro lady?!

Metro lady, "Metro...Metro...Metro..."

But instead of backing down and shying away from the angry grouch, AM walked right up into the woman's face and did a little dance.

"You know you love it. That's right! Whooooopp!"

AM has not been challenged since.

My roommates and I also wonder about AM's life.

Lynch sees AM as an angry, disgruntled middle-aged man with turrets syndrome. He loves to yell at people and is actually a psycho serial killer in his spare time.

Alex seems to think AM is a CEO of a fortune 500 company somewhere downtown. He lives in a posh penthouse in midtown, drinks Courvoisier for breakfast and does this newspaper gig as a hobby. He just loves the feel and smell of that early morning paper. He's also dating the Metro lady.

I do think he loves the paper, but I'm not sure if he's a CEO. Although, that would be a great story. Definitely AM-NY worthy.